Q: I need some good biblical answers to a recent sexual problem I have encountered. My husband told me he masturbated in the past, but very infrequently. He says this took place before we were married or even met, but since we have been together, he has not needed to do this unless he was extremely sexually frustrated. He says he is satisfied with our love life.

The other night I was in the bathroom with him while he was taking a shower. He kind of hinted he would like to be alone by saying, "I'll be out in a little while." So, I left. A little while later I began to wonder why he wanted me out of there so quickly, so I came back in ... unannounced.

What I saw shocked me. I unmistakably saw him masturbating in the shower. When I walked in, I pretended I didn't see him doing it, and he, of course, acted a little alarmed and turned around and didn't let on either. I got out of the bathroom pretty quick.

To my knowledge he was not extremely sexually frustrated, and I can't understand why he did it. I wonder how often this takes place and why he feels the "need." It makes me wonder if maybe I'm not pleasing him or satisfying his sexual needs. I also wonder what or who it was he was thinking about to cause his erection. Call me dumb, but it really bothered me.

I don't know if I should tell him what I saw and talk about it, or just keep quiet and let it eat me up inside.

- Peggy

A: Peggy, a man can be sexually aroused and get an erection many times during a day. The sexual readiness men have is different from what women experience. It may help to think about this in terms of the natural world around us.

Each year a cottonwood tree puts out hundreds or thousands of cottony fibers with a seed attached. The fibers float as far as the wind will carry them, and when they land on the earth, all but a tiny fraction fail to take root. The seeds of the maple tree are attached to tiny "propellers" which spiral away from the parent tree. Again, hardly any of the seeds become mature trees.

In a similar way, human males feel a biological need to release their seed at frequent intervals. This is natural. You should realize this occurs in men far more often than you are prepared for, or interested in, sexual relations with your husband. That is why your husband masturbates. For that, you should probably be grateful.

It is time to have a more honest discussion with your husband about sex. It takes time for most of us to become comfortable with our sexuality, and that of our partner's, but freeing yourself to discuss this will deepen your understanding and your relationship. Trust me about one thing. An omniscient being must understand male biology a lot better than most women.

P.S. Men don't pry into the details of a woman's period. Why do so many women feel they need to control their man's every ejaculation? Male masturbation is about release. It isn't about him having sex with someone else.