Top 50 Reasons to Masturbate

Average: 2.1 (7 votes)


  1. You're about to go on a date.
  2. You just got done with a date that didn't involve sex.
  3. You just bought new lube and want to "break it in."
  4. The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue just hit the stands.
  5. You haven't masturbated yet today.
  6. You're going for a personal record of the most times you've masturbated in one day.
  7. You're bored.
  8. The doctor says you need to spend more time getting your heart rate up.
  9. You just broke up with your significant other. (You should do it twice as a consolation prize if they broke up with you.)
  10. Your significant other is out of town.
  11. You just watched a movie with your favorite sexy movie star.
  12. You can't sleep.
  13. If you want it done right, you've got to do it yourself.
  14. It's a great way to top off a good meal.
  15. The new adult DVD just showed up in the mail.
  16. You're feeling tired and need something to pep you up.
  17. The electricity just went out.
  18. To relieve some stress.
  19. To celebrate at the end of a really good day.
  20. As consolation at the end of a really bad day.
  21. You're concerned about your prostate health. (Doctors say orgasms are good for the prostate.)
  22. The server at the restaurant you just got back from was really hot.
  23. Your significant other is sleeping.
  24. You've got a streak of 433 days is a row going and you're not about to miss one now.
  25. The voices in your head are telling you to do it.
  26. You've got a cold and know it'll keep you from coughing for at least a few precious minutes (it's true—try it sometime.)
  27. You have five minutes to kill.
  28. Second only to a nutritious breakfast, it's the best way to start your day.
  29. It's your birthday.
  30. You're on a mission to get to know yourself better.
  31. By definition, nobody else can masturbate for you.
  32. It's the closest thing to exercise you're going to get today.
  33. There was a good sex scene in a book you were reading.
  34. It has fewer calories than beer.
  35. The Enigma song with the woman's orgasm in it really turned you on.
  36. You just found a free porn site on the internet that actually has some good pictures and isn't just links to other sites that just link to yet more sites without any actual content.
  37. You just cracked the password to a pay porn site.
  38. You can hear the neighbors (or your roommate) having sex and now you want some action too.
  39. Who says you need a reason to masturbate?
  40. You just got a Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail.
  41. You just found a topless/nude scene with your favorite movie star.
  42. You were having a dream about sex but woke up before you got to the good part.
  43. It's almost always better than not masturbating.
  44. Somebody drew a picture of a naked woman in the bathroom stall.
  45. You just spent a lot of time with a particularly attractive coworker.
  46. Your "Sims" game character has been getting more action than you have.
  47. You're not going to come by just sitting there.
  48. You just ran into an old crush.
  49. You're horny.
  50. You're a guy and you're still breathing.

Submitted by Hardy on Thu, 01/10/2008 - 08:02. categories [ ]